Baby Blues

just say YES to birth control

So one of my LS is preggos and we had a baby shower for her. It was nice. Its crazy because anyone who knows me knows that I.DO.NOT. LIKE/WANT. CHILDREN AT ALL. POINT BLANK. This was my first baby shower EVER IN LIFE. Everyone was shocked. I don't know anyone personally who is pregnant to go to baby shower. I knew kids in high school that had kids but they were not my friends, so I didn't go. But lets rewind, lets talk about when I went to the store to get the baby stuff. Worse experience of my life. I kid you not I almost had a paic attack. When I tell you that I don't like kids. I really don't like children. My hands started sweating. I had to call one of my LS and talk to her so she could calm me down. Most women like shopping for baby clothes, I DON'T. I would rather watch paint dry or something. I personally feel like society trains women to want to be mother. I mean think about it. As soon as children are born what do you do? Stick a baby in her crib or a toolbox and trunk in his crib.Your not giving them time to form their own option on anything. It pisses me off, when people look at me like I am crazy when I tell them that I do not want children. Just because I am a woman and I can bare children does not mean that I can or will be a good mother. I also h8 when people tell me that I am going through a phase and eventually I will want children. As long as I can remember I have never wanted children. Even when I was in elementary, middle, AND high school I knew I did not want to be a mom. That's just not me. but before you go and try to analyze me, understand that I had a good childhood and nothing bad happen to me as child.  
I have another story to tell you. I was at the store w8ing in line and I turned a round and this woman was pregnant. I smile and I turned back around. Then she goes, "everyone always want to touch my belly, as soon as they see that I am pregnant." I turn around and I say "are you talking to me." She goes "yeah, I am just talking in general because I am frustrated." Then I say, "oh you don't have to worry about me touching your belly, because 1. I don't know you and that's rude to just run up on someone and 2. I don't like kids." She was shocked and goes "oh I am not saying you I am just saying." I know in her head she was thinking.. oh that bish..lol.. Fact #2: I have never touched a pregnant belly, I have never had the desire to, when I was younger, pregnant bellies would freak me out, I was scared that if I touched one I would get pregnant. No one told me that I just had it in my head. I knew it was not true but I somehow made myself believe that. Crazy I know.

I also h8 when I meet people and they make statements like well what are you going to do if your husband wants children are you just gonna mess that up. My response always is, I want to marry a man that does not want children or doesn't care either way. Beside I personally feel like every man is not mean to be a father. I personally feel like a lot of men and women do not want to be moms and dad case in point, why we have so many deadbeat mothers and fathers. if they truly wanted to be parents they would be in their child's life. I just get scrutinize for stating how I feel. I would much rather be married to the man of my dreams, live in the house of our dreams, and work the job of my dreams and live happily ever after. I want to travel the world with my husbands and go on fun and exciting vacations. I want to be free to just go on spontaneous trips with my man. You cant do that with kids. I feel like raising a child in this society with all this technology, I just don't feel like it. I am happy that my mother had me don't get me wrong, but I read entirely too much. Childbirth, getting fat, stretch marks, mood swings, kicking bellys, dirty diapers, being upset for for close to a year doesn't excite me. Watching teen mom is my birth control. Thinking about sleepless nights that I would not have is my birth control. Seeing kids knock over stuff in the store that embarrasses the parent is my birth control.  I just cant do it. I over analyze everything. If I was to get pregnant, I really feel like I would probably have a miscarriage because I am truly afraid of being pregnant, and be a mother. There has to be a phobia name for it. Babyphobia. Please don't ask me to watch your child, and if you want me watch your child, please let it be only for 1 hour or less or if your child is a child that enjoys to sleep a lot. Better yet, don't even ask me. And don't ask me to be the Godparent of your children,. Because God forbid something happens to you and I am responsible for your seed. If I don't want children of my own, what ,makes you think that I want to raise your kid? That sounds rude, but I let me reiterate that I do not like or want children.I am kind of selfish with my time. And the child would get all the attention, and I still want it to be all about me and when you have a child it becomes a we or all about the child. I just cant handle it. Thinking about all this baby stuff is upsetting me. And you know the crazy part, I think kids know I don't like being around them, because they always run to me and want to play with me.